War Drums - Romulan Predators and Naked Klingons

 

The Premise

In this TNG story we center on Worf, Ro, Deanna, and Data when they go to a Federation colony running into unique difficulties - feral Klingons! You may be asking, what is a feral Klingon? Well, in this case it's a group of naked, young, Klingons living in the woods, killing settlers and stealing supplies. Worf, resident expert in these sorts of things, goes down to investigate with Data and Troi, while Ro monitors unique seismic activity in a walled up colony full of xenophobes and hot, single dads. 

Initial Thoughts

At first glance, this might seem to be a simple episode premise, something that needn't require a full novel to cover, but you would be incorrect. There is so much that goes down in this novel that it is simultaneously one of the most engaging Star Trek novels I've read, yet also the most out of date. What I mean by that is, as immensely entertaining as it is, our author John Vornholt does dirty our female characters constantly, and makes some interesting writing choices that again have me wonder how ofter people who worked in Paramount actually looked at these books. Because of the intrigue surrounding this novel, I feel I must spoil large chunks of it, so if you want to be unspoiled you can scroll down until you hit my "Should You Read This" header, which will contain my honest recommendation.

Cast of Characters

As aforementioned this is mainly a Data, Worf, Troi, and Ro story. At one point the Enterprise is called away to deal on a different mission and they leave the away team on the planet sans contact. But, on our little battleground we have many characters our crew meets. We first meet President Oscaras, who rules the colony and is immediately characterized as someone who would grab the first pitchfork in a villager mob. Next we have Doctor Drayton, the head scientist of the colony and a complete meanie. Then we have another child prodigy to replace Wesley, named Myra. She's only twelve yet she pretty much solves and comprises our entire b-plot with Ro, who stays at the base to investigate the high seismic activity. Ro and Myra later team up with Myra's dad Gregg, who has the hots for Ensign Ro.  

Plot Wilder Than the Feral Klingons

    The idea of feral Klingons is, in of itself, immensely intriguing. It kind of feels a little wrong at the same time, but sort of makes sense, as without the strict codes of honor it is interesting to see how they channel their anger and pride. These Klingons are frequently naked, live in tunnels under the ground, and have developed a super creepy religion over a "goddess". There's already a lot to unpack before we get to the identity of the goddess, which I think is the funniest/worst thing I've read in one of these buggers. Let me set the scene, Balok, the leader of our motley Klingon crew leaves in the middle of the night to see the goddess and Data follows to see what the hell he's on about. Data observes a naked woman with a Romulan displacer whipping poor SIXTEEN YEAR OLD Balok and then having sex with him. Yes. You read that right, "The woman stood over him, victorious. She was wearing a long black coat under which she appeared to be naked...He reached for her, not as man reaches for a religious icon, but as a man reaches for a woman" (130). That's not even the worst line from that page but first I gotta ask, how does a man reach for a religious icon. What does that even mean? Like when you reach for one of these Jesus on the cross statutes? I just want to know what John was thinking there. 

    Anyways, we now know that this "goddess" is bad news and presumed to be a Romulan. Only question is, who could it be? Just kidding it's not a question, it's obviously Doctor Drayton. She keeps being rude to Ro and disappearing at random times, also it's implied she tried to kill Ro with a poisonous mantis. Lame twist to be honest. 

"Doctor" Drayton is the first person anyone (especially Ro) would suspect of being a Romulan spy just because she is such an a-hole. All Ro is trying to do is monitor what looks like high levels of seismic activity, and she is constantly being bullied - usually because of her forehead bumps. Then Myra tells Ro about her theory that a giant tsunami totaled the land they are on, and that another tsunami will decimate both the forest where the Klingons live and the colony. 

This "Doctor" Drayton got plastic surgery to look human, and instead of trying to remove these Klingons and settlers from the planet in any way other than having sex with teenager all the while impressing on him the necessity to kill all the settlers, she decides that being a sexy Scooby-Doo villain is better than nothing. Girlboss. Actually not really. I know Klingons are aliens but she is definitely a predator for having sex with Balok, a literally child. The best part is though, never does she explain why she decided this was her only solution to these aliens being on a traditionally Romulan planet, she just does what she does and offers no explanation. And while it is hard to pick a part of this woman's story that is the funniest, a close contender is how at the end of the story she is killed by a giant tsunami. 

Is This A Metaphor?

Okay, so we enter our story immediately with the murder of settlers from these vicious Klingons. Now this parallel between "savage" people who live in the forest and the new settlers terrified of them may seem to the average person to definitely be the author trying to reference American history and the treatment of Native Americans when European settlers entered the Americas, even emphasized when the crew discovers that the Klingons were stranded on this planet long before the settlers arrived. I also though this as well, and, if that was truly what John was going for, he did an awful and offensive job. (Personally I think it is quite possible that John is just an idiot who didn't know what he was writing). While these Klingons are truly victims being manipulated by a crazy Romulan and by having no adults to look up to, John still seems to have some contempt for them, writing about their customs in a patronizing tone. Like, John these aren't real people okay, like you don't need to keep emphasizing how they live in holes in the dirt and murder women. The whole book is filled with weird parallels that could have worked but don't really, and just make you wish John was actually self aware. Again, I don't know John personally, but I really hope he didn't think he was doing something by taking the plot of Avatar and making the aliens the bad guys too. It is of course obvious that the settlers are bad guys, as they are also xenophobic to Ro and every other alien that they see, which again doesn't really make any sense as it is a Federation colony?? This fact again reinforces these parallels which, if they are intentional, don't read great now and days. 

Not All Men, But Definitely John Vornholt

Ah Star Trek, somehow you always manage to emphasize equality, peace, and love one minute, but the next, out of nowhere, you're left reeling from an out-of-date sentiment (à la "I can't get used to having a woman on the bridge" in the og pilot). Now, I can excuse that as a product of the time, but this book came out in 1992 so be better. 

Now most of the sexism is directed towards Ro, who is thrust into a romantic relationship sort of? with Gregg. Now, part of my horror at this came from my misunderstanding that Ro was like a young adult while Gregg is a middle aged man. In reality their age difference isn't quite as terrible as I thought, but, can you blame me when this is the line that first introduces the possibility that Gregg likes her? "'And look at the marks you left on him,' said Myra accusingly as she pointed out three scratches on his cheek. The ensign frowned. 'Did I do that? I'm sorry.' Gregg smiled, 'I haven't been scratched by a woman in a long time'" (100-101). I truly have no words for that line. Freakish behavior in my personal opinion. To make matters even worse Gregg and Ro never kiss, never discuss their feelings, and instead we get weird, throwaway lines that seemingly serve no purpose. "She looked up at him with dark eyes that seemed to say: This isn't the time or place, but if we're smart and resourceful maybe there will be another time and place" (210). Ignoring that that is the clunkiest line ever written, do you see what I mean? There never is another time or place (in this novel) and so their romance is pointless. Personally I think John couldn't think of a reason a dude would want to save and assist a woman if he wasn't into her. So, in conclusion, romance is harmless but pointless, and John does not understand women. 

There's two more throwaway lines I need to mention just because of their stupidity and because I want John to know someone is keeping track of his crimes. On page 219, "Gregg Calvert climbed out, looking more frightened than either of the two females". Ah yes, because only women feel fear. Good one John, really amazing how you emphasized the true fear that Gregg has in the moment. The next moment needs its own picture, because there is so much to unpack. 

So Data is an oddity to these Klingons because he appears human but acts odd and looks different. Worf, is the first Klingon they've seen other than their little group, so they touch his forehead ridges. But Deanna, instead of touching say, her hair, or face, John goes yeah breasts. Not only is this trope so worn out and clearly born from sexism, but it doesn't even make sense. Klingon women have breasts similar to humans. In no matter what canon (disco, tos, tng) they all do. Why would this girl be so confused by breasts? Maybe she doesn't have any yet but they're still teenagers? All I can say is at least it wasn't one of the male Klingons who did it...

Should You Read?

I say yes! It is an interesting story with lots of twists and turns. It seems to start off ordinary but it soon becomes fast paced and interesting. The author is a hard man to love, but he does write an engaging story with enough 'wtf' moments to keep you laughing...while also being very confused. It makes good use of our og crew and introduces some new characters that are interesting enough (especially the new bunch of Klingons).